I’ve always been open to change; it’s the reason why the rooms in my house change labels frequently. My dining room has been my kitchen in the past. My kitchen has been my sitting room. The current sitting room used to be the dining room. Do you remember Tom Hanks’ decorator client in Sleepless in Seattle? The contractors and Hanks are standing around joking about how she’d like them to pick up the house and flip it around.

I tend to see that as doable.

But still, those changes were ones I controlled. And that’s the key here. Spontaneity means giving up that control, that firm, solid grip on the steering wheel of life. Being open to spontaneity requires me to relax that grip, to embrace the beauty of uncertainty.

It’s coming to me, bit by bit. Because when I think of a life filled with wonderful, spontaneous moments, I can’t help but smile. That’s what I want. The element of fun surprises, a life of spontaneous joy.

And it starts with allowing.

This morning I signed into Facebook, something which I don’t do very often – and I discovered my friend Helena online! It was so much fun chatting with her. We go back a long long way, and now it feels like she’s not far away at all, even though physically she’s half the world away. Her evenings are my mornings. Thank goodness she’s a night owl!

I intend to make room for more stillness tonight … and so my practice goes. Meditation has always been challenging for me, but stillness is not. I’m not sure why, except that maybe it just comes down to semantics for me. Maybe I have a lot of “stuff” tied up with the notion of meditation, stuff that doesn’t come up in stillness, because I know the stillness is always there, I haven’t lost it, I always have it. It’s just a matter of being aware of it.

It’s been a beautiful morning – not sunny, kind of grayish, actually, but I sat in bed with my morning coffee and just luxuriated in the cool, crisp breeze coming in through the windows.

One thing I’ve been doing throughout this past “deadline” crunch week is making the time in the mornings to relax with my cup of coffee before I plunge into work. I find this kind of morning ritual fills me with energy for the rest of the day.

And it’s working. This morning I looked back over the week, and I have accomplished so much – without the chaotic, frazzled, hyper stressful feelings that I’ve experienced in the past. Those feelings are getting rare. I know who I’m choosing to be, and even in the midst of a ton of work, I am finding I can continue to rest consistently in who I’m choosing to be.

My work doesn’t define who I am. A very wise and loving friend once told me that. That was my wake-up call. And today, I’m celebrating the fact that I have fully embraced this. This past week has shown me that.

It’s been a beautiful morning.

1. The brilliance of the chance for change.

2. The power of this breath of hope.

3. The eloquence of a new day, birth to a new era.

Life truly is just so incredible, isn’t it?

Hayley got green highlights. We were hoping for lime green but unfortunately they were out of the yellow that was needed to mix with the green. But the green looks great in her dark hair.

Now for the Big Draw!

Dylan’s Day 10 Drawing

I came back from the spa to find Dylan had already completed the drawing he wanted to post for today:

Bridge. Crayola marker.

Belle’s Day 10 Drawing

I tackled a face in pen, complete with shading. The shading didn’t work as well as I’d hoped. I might try dots next time instead of strokes.

Girl. Pen.

Three Beautiful Things

I’m ready to slip into bed for an early night, and thought it would be lovely to end the night with Three Beautiful Things:

1. A great dinner that went beautifully with the new organic California cabernet sauvignon that’s our current favorite, followed by some wonderful after-dinner conversation. So relaxing, so wonderful.

2. Mother-daughter time at the spa, then shopping. Picking up Chinese snacks at the store. Talking in the car.

3. The satisfaction of a day that included work completed, fun, relaxation and lots of love.

Two weeks ago, I went beyond my normal desires and decided on the kind of life I want to live: a magical, spontaneous life, filled to the brim with synchronicity and gorgeous surprises. In forming this intention, I began the process of letting go of a lot of old beliefs about who I am, beliefs which served me well way back when, but which are no longer in alignment with who I’m choosing to be.

This morning, as I sit here at my computer looking out the window, I am filled with such gratitude. As I open myself to the spontaneous life, my life has been unfolding in such a fluid and organic way. Each day comes with such beautiful surprises – in a Field training analogy, I’ve opened that window, and people walking by are throwing those roses to me.

I’ve fallen back into a fully creative life, one which I had let go of, for reasons I can’t fully remember: I vaguely recall feeling busy, the harried busy-ness of a new mother. And then life changed, shifted, and I began to find time, time to explore my inner life, to come to know my inner self and fall in love with her all over again. And now, the missing piece has come back to me – my creativity, a creativity that’s beyond my writing, and in going beyond my writing, it’s inspiring my writing to depths I have never before felt.

This gorgeous world of art and creativity, helped in no small part by my decision to blog here as authentically as I can … this gorgeous world inspires me on a daily basis, in ways I had never dreamed of before. And my outer world has been shifting, fluidly and gently, to come into alignment with who I am inside.

This morning, my heart spills over with gratitude for this spontaneous life.

This evening’s been one of those evenings where I’m finding grace everywhere. It’s funny how one doesn’t necessarily even get a hint of all of this wonder that’s to come. But grace did come, from all around me:

1. The beauty of the rain, drizzling down unusually, reminding me of Vancouver. Not at all like Toronto’s normal version of rain, which can really only be described as “downpour”.

2. The leaves caught beneath my windshield wipers, gloriously gorgeous and vibrant. I read somewhere that trees don’t have to give us the breathtaking colors of fall, that it takes a lot of their energy to present their dazzling show of reds and oranges – and they get nothing from it. They don’t need to do it. They could just cut off the chlorophyll and turn those green leaves brown. But they don’t, and instead choose to give us such beauty during this spectacular season.

Thank you, trees.

3. The candles nestled in the glass vases at the yoga studio. It made a lovely experience even more beautiful.

4. The sweetness and flow of my yoga instructor’s voice. We went into our poses while outside day turned into night.

5. The evening sky, not yet fully dark, gently colored a gorgeous orange by the street lights. I’d never noticed before that our street lights give off this beautiful orange-red color.

6. The feel of the drizzling rain on my face.

7. Coming home to laughter, Thomas train tracks laid out in the living room, Jamie Oliver’s cod and potato stew being prepared.

Tonight was a wonderful reminder to me that grace is everywhere. And I know I named this post “Finding Grace”, but grace is always here. What I really mean is, “opening my eyes to grace”.

1. After dinner conversation with my oldest son, loving so much who he is, how he’s growing and thinking, the person he’s becoming.

2. A gourmet meal on a Monday night, lovingly prepared by my darling husband.

3. Laughing and joking with my daughter, adoring who she is.

1. Ward’s home, back from his karate seminar in New York. He was away for four days, and we missed him a lot! It’s great to have him home tonight – he’s behind me right now, sitting at his computer catching up on episodes of the Japanese shows he’s missed while he was away. (No, he’s not Japanese. But he loves the Japanese shows that my daughter Hayley introduced him to – they have subtitles!)

2. The kids are home. My two oldest kids spent the weekend at their dad’s this weekend – they go every other weekend – and as always, the house feels so much brighter on those Sunday nights when I hear them come through the front door, chattering with each other and then racing into the office to see us.

3. My mom is upstairs, sleeping in Dylan’s room. I know I’m a grown-up now, with kids of my own (two teenagers, even!), but whenever she comes and stays over, I always feel so good. It’s like slipping back into childhood for a day or so.

Dylan’s Big Draw Day 4 Drawing

Dylan chose to draw an every day thing: a cup. Very simple, but I love the confidence of his line!

Cup. Crayola marker.

Belle’s Big Draw Day 4 Drawing

I did several drawings again. Quite a few faces, and I’m happy to say that sometimes I got the nose right, and sometimes I got the lips right (I almost always get the eyes right) but what I was looking for was a drawing in which the eyes, nose, lips and shape of face were all right or close to right (yes, I’d be quite happy with “close to”!), and I kept just missing it. It’s coming along, though!

I also drew some very simple things: a Coca Cola bottle, a cup and saucer, a lamp. The Coca Cola bottle wins (you can see the faint outline of the cup and saucer behind it):

Coca Cola bottle. Pen.

I have a book of fairy motifs, and I’m thinking I might try drawing from that. One thing that’s always eluded me in the past is drawing from my imagination. I’ve been loving all the beautiful and whimsical drawings and paintings I’ve been seeing online, and it would be so nice to be able to draw like that.

This is all so very good for me – with each day I’m gaining more confidence. That’s the way it works, right?

Three Beautiful Things

I also discovered Three Beautiful Things today, and it seems like such a beautiful way to end the day.

1. The strands of electric stars that serve as my office window “curtain”. We bought them one year from IKEA for Christmas, and when Christmas was over, we decided to just keep them up.

2. The view through the bedroom window. Right now the trees are showing all their beautiful colors, and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Come winter, it will be another kind of beauty, a cold beauty but wonderful still.

3. The flavors of shrimp, cod and haddock puttanesca; leftovers of a dish that Ward cooked last weekend which we froze so that I could have a nice dinner while he’s away.